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Since a lot of us are in the shit talking spirit, I want to hear the best shit talk you've ever heard on the course.

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Call 911 !!!!
You would be surprised by how much simple observations bother the crap out of people. Most of the time people respond to my observations with threats of physical harm.
I have had a Guy , threaten my life because I told him he Sucks !!!! And he Really Does !!!!
I think the hole is over there (while pointing at the basket). Good for complete shanks.
"Fix your skirt..."
or
"Your skirt is showing."
That is a really good line.
Ever played this game before?
"Great shot Princess Lay Up!" after an upshot lands way short...
So many classic lines come from players who brag up their own shots and abilities. To hear them talk you would think they could whip Climo on their off day. So why are they playing in the Amateur division?

A guy throws a weak, pitiful drive on a long tight hole and says, "I've parked that shot the last 4 times I threw it". C'mon, we all know he couldn't park that shot if he had a hundred tries.

A player throws in some long, crazy putt and says, "I can hit that every time." You can tell by his form he sucks and just happened to get lucky. He has a better chance to hit the lottery than repeat that putt.

Some guys talk themselves up as a motivational tool. If that is what it takes for them to get themselves going I guess that is fine. You just wonder why they say that stuff out loud. The comments and looks they get in return can be pretty funny.

I play fairly often with a guy who talks himself up. He is actually a good player (Pro Master) but no one is as good as he talks. One round of a tournament he couldn't miss. He hit every drive and every putt. He just lit it up and blew away the field (which I guess any good player can do if they get both hot and lucky). I was just amazed what came out of his mouth. The better he played the more and louder he talked. It was like being with the King of the World. But the next round he back to being mortal. He kept talking though.
Gift of gab?

It's always good to not take yourself so serious.
I believe the best trash talking is done before a shot, if you really want to work someone.

mention the headwind when its a tailwind and vice versa

"you did great on that last hole, i'm sure you will do it again here"

"Those yellow hats on the discatchers seem bigger today"

"are you sure you can throw that far?"

"looks like a tough putt, hope you don't leave it short."

"i didn't notice that branch before, don't worry you got this shot"
We have a guy at our course who plays pretty good, but when he makes a shot you are always going to hear about it. I will yell a bit in celebration if I make that crazy shot, but not all of the time. A little humility goes a long way.

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