HUMOR.............

Ladies and Gentlemen,

There has been so many serious discussions lately, that I am creating this one to relieve some tension. I love jokes, funny stories, and quotes. So use this post as a means of telling something funny and hopefully put a smile on other people's faces. I'll start things off..........

You know when you've reached the Masters when you body goes out more then you do.

or

What's my handicap?
* Driving and putting

or

"Yelling at your disc will not help you. Unless you do it when your opponent is putting."

or

"Golf and sex are about the only things I can enjoy without being good at."

or

"If you think it's hard to meet new people, try picking up the wrong disc"

or

“If I had driven the green and cleared the trees, it would’ve been a great shot.”

or

"I average three under. One under a tree; one under a bush; one under the water."


Now it's your turn. Put something funny, and we'll all be able to laugh.

[mr ed]

Read it in the "Disc-Obits"

4 down and counting

[mr ed]

So our eldest dauhgter and her husband visted us from Cinncy,disc golf /beach were the two options that were presented.I figuered that we accomplish this outing in an all one stop.All involed wondered how and what fun would this be for them.The son-in-law being from Indiana had never yet seen a gator,shark,sharks teeth,sting ray on any previous visits.Packed the car with disc bag,beer bag,lotion,beach chairs,blanket and proceeded to the nearest pitch/putt ball course in town.

Everyone wondered just what the H---? is dad,Ed doing now,how is this fun AND how will we see any of those names mentioned earlier here on a b course.Told them to go sit in the nearest sand trap by a water hole.They begrudgingly set off,threw my sting ray & Shark in the water,gator on the bank of water hole and spread all the rest in the sand trap.Smiles and opened some beers to drink,but yet there was still the problem of no sharks teeth.problem solved when  I opened the baggie and scattered the teeth in the sand.Enjoy yoyr beach outting,I'm going to throw the next eight holes.That's why I'm not in charge of the minor decisions,just thermajor ones;>}

[Daddy_Dragon]

Jason Peliwo from Debary Disc Golf and his wife went to the doctor's office. After his checkup, the doctor called the wife into the office alone.

He said, "Your husband Jason is suffering from a very severe disease, combined with horrible stress. If you don't do the following, your husband will surely die."

"Each morning, fix him a healthy breakfast. Be pleasant, and make sure he is in a good mood. For lunch make him a nutritious meal he can take to work. And for dinner, prepare an especially nice meal for him."

"Don't burden him with chores, as this could further his stress. Don't discuss your problems with him; it will only make his stress worse. Try to relax your husband in the evening by wearing lingerie and giving him plenty of backrubs."

"Encourage him to participate in more Disc Golf.  Do not nag him about playing Disc Golf with his buddies.  And most importantly, make love with your husband several times a week and satisfy his every whim. If you can do this for the next 10 months to a year, I think your husband will regain his health."

On the way home, Jason asked his wife, "What did the doctor say?"

"You're going to die," she replied.

[Daddy_Dragon]

Mark Ellis was teaching some students about Disc Golf.  Towards the end of the class the majority of the students asked him to demonstrate his skills by playing one hole.  Mr Ellis set up for his drive on the first tee and did a mighty throw.  Unluckily his disc flew into a group of palmettos.  He found his disc and saw an opening between two dead trees he thought he could throw through. He took another mighty throw and his disc hit one of the dead trees, the tree fell and hit him on the head instantly killing him.

As he approached the gates of Heaven, he saw St. Peter laughing his ass off. 

Puzzled, Mark asked, "Why are you laughing at me?"
St. Peter stated "I guess you are not really good at Disc Golf"

To which Mark quickly replied, "Got here in two, didn't I ?"

[Mark Janssen]

lol

 

[Daddy_Dragon]

Christopher St. Clair enters the confessional box of a local Daytona Beach Church and says, "Bless me Father, for I have sinned. I have been with a loose woman who loves to play Disc Golf"

The priest asks, "Is that you, St. Clair?"

"Yes, Father, it is."

"And who was the woman you were with?"

"I can't be tellin' you, Father. I don't want to ruin her reputation."

"Well Chris, I'm sure to find out sooner or later, so you may as well tell me now. Was it Brenda O'Malley?"

"I cannot say."

"Was it Patricia Kelly?"

"I'll never tell."

"Was it Liz Shannon?"

"I'm sorry, but I'll not tell her name."

"Was it Cathy Morgan?"

"My lips are sealed."

"Was it Fiona McDonald, then?"

"Please, Father, I cannot tell you."

The priest sighs in frustration. "You're a steadfast lad, Christopher St. Clair, and I admire that. But you've sinned, and you must atone. Be off with you now."

Christopher walks back to his pew. His friend Brock Mahaffey slides over and whispers,

"What'd you get?"

"Five good leads," replies Chris.

[DiscGolfFlyMart.com]

OK...you had a bad hole...you shot a 5. You tell the scorekeeper 4. He writes down a 3. That's called improving your lie.

[Daddy_Dragon]

Question : What's the difference between a Golf Disc and a "G-Spot" ?

Answer : A man is willing to spend 10 minutes in the bush looking for a disc !!

[Daddy_Dragon]

Jayson Jobe comes home after a terrible round of Disc golf, his worst ever.
He plops down on the couch in front of the television, and tells his wife, "Get me a beer before it starts."
The wife sighs and gets him a beer. Fifteen minutes later, he says, "Get me another beer before it starts."

 

She looks cross, but fetches another beer and slams it down next to him.
He finishes that beer and a few minutes later says, "Quick, get me another beer, it's going to start any minute."

The wife is furious. She yells at him "You've been out golfing all day! Is that all you're going to do tonight? Drink beer and sit in front of that TV? You're nothing but a lazy, drunken slob, and furthermore . . ."

Jobe sighs and whispers underneath his breathe as he sips the last of his beer, "It's started…."

 

 

[Daddy_Dragon]

Can you believe it.  Robert aka I3oo from River City (Debary Florida) Disc Golf course has decided to finally get married.

At the joyous event he is standing by his bride at the church in front of the Preacher.
The Bride looks around and sees I3oo's Disc Golf buddies there supporting him.
She leans over and whispers "Why do you and your buddies have your Disc Golf equipment with you ??" 
I3oo smiles and answers "This is not going to take all day is it ?"

[Daddy_Dragon]

Valerie Bradley from Saint Petersburg Florida was playing Disc Golf at her home course (Cliff Stevens) when she was met up with a buddy. 

Valerie says "Guess what ? I got a brand new set of Golf Discs for my man."

Her friend replied "That was a great trade...."

[Daddy_Dragon]

A reporter was interviewing Nathan Doss after a tournament in California.
He said, "Nate, you are spectacular, your name is synonymous with the game of Disc golf. You really know your way around the course. What is your secret?"
To which Nate replied, "The baskets are numbered!"