HUMOR.............

Ladies and Gentlemen,

There has been so many serious discussions lately, that I am creating this one to relieve some tension. I love jokes, funny stories, and quotes. So use this post as a means of telling something funny and hopefully put a smile on other people's faces. I'll start things off..........

You know when you've reached the Masters when you body goes out more then you do.

or

What's my handicap?
* Driving and putting

or

"Yelling at your disc will not help you. Unless you do it when your opponent is putting."

or

"Golf and sex are about the only things I can enjoy without being good at."

or

"If you think it's hard to meet new people, try picking up the wrong disc"

or

“If I had driven the green and cleared the trees, it would’ve been a great shot.”

or

"I average three under. One under a tree; one under a bush; one under the water."


Now it's your turn. Put something funny, and we'll all be able to laugh.

[Nascar Dave]

Dave throws his drive and looks really good until it starts it hyzer break to the basket and hits a tree.

 

Brad throws an almost identical shot but manages to miss the tree and park the hole. Then Brad say to Dave "Your shot looked pretty good so I threw your line."

 

Dave then asks Brad "Did you hit that tree?"

 

Brad replies "No"

 

Dave then states the obvious, "Then you didn't throw my line!"

[Daddy_Dragon]

As previously stated in this discussion, Robert aka I3oo was getting married.  And he had upset his soon to be wife because he and his buddies had their disc golf equipment at the wedding.  To make a long story short, I3oo finally tied the knot and became a married man.  He drops his wife off at the Bed and Breakfast in Saint Augustine, Florida.  Told her to get ready for the night of her life, and he went Disc Golfing with his buddies.  

While out on the course  I3oo takes a high speed disc right in the crotch.
Writhing in agony, he falls to the ground.
As soon as he could manage, he took himself to the doctor.
He said "How bad is it doc?. I'm on my honeymoon and my wife is still a virgin in every way."

The doctor told him, "I'll have to put your penis in a splint to let it heal and keep it straight. It should be okay."
So the doctor took four tongue depressors and formed a neat little 4 sided bandage, and wired it all together; an impressive work of art. I3oo mentions none of this to his wife in fear of ruining their honeymoon.

I3oo took his wife out to have an elegant dinner and then takes a lovely horse drawn carriage ride through the romantic town at night, the two love birds then proceed to their room. With great anticipation, the virgin wife rips open her blouse to reveal a gorgeous set of breasts. This was the first time he saw them.

She said, "You're the first; no one has ever touched these breasts."

I3oo immediately drops his pants with a smile and replies........
"Look at this, it's still in the CRATE!"

 

 

 

[Jeffery Nugent]

Two men were out playing a round, the 1st guy asks the other for a light, sure he says and reaches in his bag and pulls out a huge lighter. "That's the biggest lighter I've ever seen! Where did you get it?" "I got it from my genie." "Your genie?? No way." So he tells him to pull that jack daniels bottle out of his bag and rub it. He pulls out the bottle and gives it a rub....There's a puff of smoke and this ancient genie pops out. "Since you released me from the bottle I will grant your wish." Great! I want a million bucks! The sky gets dark and suddenly the course is covered with ducks. "Ducks! I asked for a million bucks!" the other guys says," that genie is old and kind of deaf, you don't really think i asked for a twelve inch Bic do you."

[david k. reisner]

what do you call a DGer on the side of a cliff ? a fool    what do you call a DGer on the side of the same cliff a second time ? a slow learner

[Daddy_Dragon]

Brian J. Swift from Edgewater Florida went to play at Tuskawilla when he was asked by his friend,

 

"Why are you so late in arriving for your tee time?"

Brian replied, "It's Sunday. I had to toss a coin between going to church or playing golf."

"Yes," continued the friend, "but that stills doesn't tell me why you are so late."

 
"Well," said Brian "It took over 25 tosses to get it right!"

[Daddy_Dragon]

A murder has been committed at the Bill Frederick Disc Golf Park in Florida.
The Police were called to the park and they found a man standing at the seventh basket, holding a Disc in his hands, looking at the lifeless body of a woman on the floor.

The detective asks, "Sir, is that your wife?"
"Yes."
"Did you hit her with that Golf Disc?"
"Yes, yes, I did." The man stifles a sob, drops the Disc, and puts his hands on his head.

"How many times did you hit her in the throat?"

 

"I don't know.
Five, six, seven..... Just put me down for a five."

[mr ed]

morbid sense of Humor sometimes,why not a 4;>}

[Daddy_Dragon]

David Keisner, Chris Suggs, and Harold King died went to heaven.
Upon arrival, they noticed the most beautiful Disc Golf course they have ever seen. St. Peter told them they were welcome to play the course, but he cautioned them with one rule: "Don't step on the ducks."

The men had blank expressions on their faces, and finally Chris Suggs asked, "The ducks?"
"Yes," St. Peter Said. "There are millions of ducks walking around the course, and when one of them is stepped on, he squawks, and then the one next to him squawks, and soon they're all raising hell and it really breaks the tranquility. If you step on the ducks, you'll be punished."

The men start playing the course, and within 15 minutes, Chris Suggs stepped on a duck. The duck squawked, and soon there was a deafening roar of ducks quacking.
St. Peter appeared with an extremely homely woman and asked, "Who stepped on a duck?"
"I did," admitted Chris. St. Peter immediately pulled out a pair of handcuffs and cuffed the man to the homely woman. "I told you not to step on the ducks," he said. "Now you'll be handcuffed together for eternity."

The two other men were very cautious not to step on any ducks, but a couple of weeks later, Harold King accidentally did. The quacks were as deafening as before, and within minutes, St. Peter walked up with a woman who was even uglier than the other one. He determined who stepped on the duck by seeing the fear in Harold’s face, and he cuffed him to the woman. "I told you not to step on the ducks," St. Peter said. "Now you'll be handcuffed together for eternity."

David was extremely careful. Some days he wouldn't even move for fear of nudging a duck. After three months of this, he still hadn't stepped on a duck. St. Peter walked up to David and had with him the most beautiful woman David had ever seen. St. Peter smiled and without a word, handcuffed him to the beautiful woman and walked off.

David Keisner, knowing that he would be handcuffed to this woman for eternity, let out a sigh and said, "What have I done to deserve this?"
The woman replied: "I don't know about you, but I stepped on a duck."

[Daddy_Dragon]

I took my wife out Disc Golfing last Sunday at the Tuskawilla Course in Daytona Beach.  The was another female named Valerie Mullikin there as well.  The two ended up playing in the same group.  Upon finishing the round, the two returned and they had smiles on their faces.

Valerie stated that my wife Pattie had thrown after she did and had thrown her disc on top of hers.  They both came up and stated that their discs were "Making minis".

[Daddy_Dragon]

This was not a joke.  It really happened.

[Daddy_Dragon]

Tom Johnson from Tuskawilla Disc Golf Course in Daytona Beach Florida had won a C.T.P. during their 3rd Sunday of the month tournament.  The prize was in an envelope.

When he opened the envelope, he was very surprised to find a voucher for a free visit to a brothel. He had never been to one before but he decided to go the very next day.

The girls were very friendly and soon he found a lovely young lady and went with her to her room.

Ten minutes later, she came running to the Madam and asked,

"Can you tell me what a Mulligan is ?"

 

 

 

[Jeff Nichols]

Saw this on another DG site.... Too True.