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Ladies and Gentlemen,

There has been so many serious discussions lately, that I am creating this one to relieve some tension. I love jokes, funny stories, and quotes. So use this post as a means of telling something funny and hopefully put a smile on other people's faces. I'll start things off..........

You know when you've reached the Masters when you body goes out more then you do.

or

What's my handicap?
* Driving and putting

or

"Yelling at your disc will not help you. Unless you do it when your opponent is putting."

or

"Golf and sex are about the only things I can enjoy without being good at."

or

"If you think it's hard to meet new people, try picking up the wrong disc"

or

“If I had driven the green and cleared the trees, it would’ve been a great shot.”

or

"I average three under. One under a tree; one under a bush; one under the water."


Now it's your turn. Put something funny, and we'll all be able to laugh.

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PART THREE.........

 

Jamie Ruane was so pissed off about being dead that he cursed the whole way to Heaven.

St Peter meets him at the Pearly Gates.  "Welcome to Heaven Jamie."

Jamie replies "Welcome, welcome !! I shouldn't be here.  My wife is trying to sell my Disc Golf Equipment; my buddies took the money I instructed them to place in my coffin.  I need to go back !!"

St Peter smiles and tells Jamie "Well, I have some good news and bad news.  The good news is you are right, you shouldn't be dead. We made a mistake.  And God is allowing you to return to earth.  The bad news is that since everyone on earth knows that you are dead, you can not return as yourself."

Jamie yells at the top of his lungs "What the F**k.  You guys made a mistake and I have to pay for it !!!  What kind of place are you running here?"

"We will give you a couple of minutes to think about who you want to be reincarnated as."

 

After pondering for a while Jamie says "I want to be reincarnated as a Lesbian Disc Golfer"

 

"Why would a man such as yourself want to be reincarnated as a Lesbian Disc Golfer?"

 

Jamie smiles and replies

"First off, I love women.  Second, I'll be able to kick some ass playing off the women's tee"

 

This was not a joke.  It really happened.
Best picture ever!!!! hahahahahahahahaha!!!!! At least your alive again Jamie.
daddy_dragon found himself standing in front of st.peter at the pearly gates but st. peter looked a little surprised to see him there . so st. peter asks him while shuffleing through papers " so daddy did you do anything good while on earth ?" so daddy thought about that for a second then replied " yeah one time this biker gang came to town terrorizeing and wreck havoc , some of them started messing with this girl , so i spoke up and said hey you guys we don't do that in this town ! and one of the bikers said yeah , what are you gonna do about it ! so i walk up to the biggest biker there and knock him down with one punch , turned around and kicked a row of bikes down . " st. peter was very empressed and asked daddy " wow , when did you do that ?" and daddy says " about two minutes ago !
Finally.  After all this time.  After all the killing that has happened within this discussion.  Someone had the nerve to finish me off.  Now I am part of the ELITE Disc Golfers who will down in history (or at least this discussion's history).  But the sad thing is that Jamie didn't want to be part of the group.  He had to be better than all of us.  Now look at him or should I say "her"  ;^) 
damn...I'm a ugly bitch

Gas prices are getting so high now a days.

Life is getting really tough.

In fact here is a picture of my "Piggy Bank"

after filling my van with gas this morning.

A couple of women were playing disc golf on a Sunday morning. The first of the twosome teed off and watched in horror as her disc headed directly toward a foursome of men playing the next hole.

Indeed, the disc had hit David k. Reisner , and he immediately clasped his hands together at his crotch, fell to the ground and proceeded to roll around in evident agony.

The woman rushed down to David and immediately began to apologize. She explained that she was a physical therapist: "Please allow me to help. I'm a physical therapist and I know I could relieve your pain if you'd allow me!” she told him earnestly.

"Ummph, oooh, nnooo, I'll be alright...I'll be fine in a few minutes", he replied breathlessly as he remained in the fetal position still clasping his hands together at his crotch.

But she persisted, and David finally allowed her to help. She gently took his hands away and laid them to the side, she loosened his pants, and she put her hands inside. She began to massage him. She then asked him: "How does that feel ?"

To which he replied: "It feels great, but my thumb still hurts like hell."

"Shut up" cried Ed Horst from Port Charlotte at his nagging wife.


"Shut up or you'll drive me out of my mind."


"That," snapped his wife, "wouldn't be a drive.... that would be a gimme putt."

This old couple are rocking away on their porch on evening. When all of a sudden the wife stands up, takes her cane, walks over to her husband and smack him across the shins.

 

OUCH! what the %#$^ did you do that for?!

Her reply.. THAT'S for 60 years of bad SEX!

 

So the husband is sitting ther and stewing over this for a bit. When he gets up, grabs his cane, walks over to his wife and smacks her across the shins.

 

OUCH! why the ^%$# did you do that!

His reply....THAT's for knowing the difference!!

Norbert from Port Orange and Terry from Edgewater were playing their home course at Tuscawilla, Daytona Beach Florida.

Norbert putted out and walked towards the next tee. As Terry sank his putt, Norbert suddenly jumped up, yelled out loud and dropped his pants. He had just got stung by a bee and got a nasty stinger on his ass. He desperately begged for Terry to get the stinger out.

The scene of a man kneeling next to his playing partner's bare ass was too much for the group playing behind the twosome.


The group raced up to the two Disc Golfers and asked a single question:
"What was the bet?"

Well, I played at the Sunday "Easter" Tuscawilla Course in Daytona today.  I was glad to see the major or main players there, and as well as people I have not seen before.  I would like to thank everyone for their patience and for trying to make my wife feel welcomed.  I didn't play well today.  The Course is still difficult for me. I was able to get two birdies and I owned the pad three times, but I kicked my own ass by throwing a nine a couple of times as well.  I think I shot 20 something over.

Jamie had said "What would St Peter say about that?"

That is a good question. 

Go to my main page and everyone can hear my response.

I'll just play with my Ding a ling.

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