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The Community of Disc Golfers and About All Things Disc Golf

Ladies and Gentlemen,

There has been so many serious discussions lately, that I am creating this one to relieve some tension. I love jokes, funny stories, and quotes. So use this post as a means of telling something funny and hopefully put a smile on other people's faces. I'll start things off..........

You know when you've reached the Masters when you body goes out more then you do.

or

What's my handicap?
* Driving and putting

or

"Yelling at your disc will not help you. Unless you do it when your opponent is putting."

or

"Golf and sex are about the only things I can enjoy without being good at."

or

"If you think it's hard to meet new people, try picking up the wrong disc"

or

“If I had driven the green and cleared the trees, it would’ve been a great shot.”

or

"I average three under. One under a tree; one under a bush; one under the water."


Now it's your turn. Put something funny, and we'll all be able to laugh.

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Reasons Why Disc Golf Is Better Than Sex

  • You don't have to sneak your PDGA magazines into the house.
  • If you are having trouble with Disc Golf, it is perfectly acceptable to pay a professional to show you how to improve your technique.
  • The Ten Commandments do not say anything about Disc Golf.
  • If your partner takes pictures or videotapes of you playing Disc Golf, you don't have to worry about them showing up on an Internet Porn site.
  • Your Disc Golf partner won't keep asking questions about other partners you've golfed with.
  • It's perfectly respectable to Disc Golf with a total stranger.
  • When you see a really good Disc Golfer, you don't have to feel guilty about imagining the two of you golfing together.
  • Nobody will ever tell you that you will go blind if you Disc Golf by yourself.
  • When dealing with a Disc Golf Pro, you never have to wonder if they are really an undercover cop.
  • You don't have to go to a sleazy shop in a seedy neighborhood to buy Disc Golf stuff.
  • You can have a golf calendar on your wall at the office, tell golf jokes and invite co-workers to Disc Golf with you without getting sued for harassment.
  • There is no such thing as a Disc Golf Transmitted Disease.
  • Nobody expects you to promise to Disc Golf with just one partner for the rest of your life.
  • Your Disc Golf partner will never say, "What? We just golfed last week! Is that all you ever think about?"
  • If your partner has a headache, it is acceptable to Disc by yourself.
  • When you get old, you don’t need Viagra to play.
  • You can Disc Golf with young people without getting arrested.
  • In Disc Golf, too many strokes is a bad thing.
  • You don’t have to go to confession and pray for forgiveness when you Disc Golf with someone other than your partner.
  • It is perfectly acceptable to Disc with the same sex.
  • Disc Golf is cheaper.
  • A below par performance is considered good.
  • You can stop in the middle of discing and have a cheeseburger and a couple of beers.
  • You can still make money doing it as a senior.
  • It's much easier to find the sweet spot.
  • Foursomes are encouraged.
  • Four times a day is possible.
  • Your partner doesn't hire a lawyer if you do it with someone else.
  • You don't have to cuddle with your partner when you're finished.

And the NUMBER ONE reason why Disc Golf is better then sex......

 If you live in Florida, you can do it every day.

 

 

 

 

 

Why is sex better then Disc Golf ?

Do I really have to answer that question ?  We all should know that answer.

Chris Lenkiewicz dies and finds himself at the pearly gates.
St. Peter tells him that he has lived an exemplary life and that he can go right in.
Chris asks, "St. Peter, where is the Disc golf course?"
"I'm terribly sorry," replies St. Peter, "but that's one thing we don't have here."

 
Chris turns and decides that he will see if the situation is any better in hell. On the road to hell, he is greeted by the devil who has already heard of the golfer's rejection of heaven.
"This way, sir," says the devil, "the finest tournament-quality 72 holes you are likely to find this side of Appling, Georgia."

Chris Lenkiewicz looks around and agrees that it is the finest course he has ever seen and decides he'd rather spend eternity there than in heaven, so he signs up for the full package.

"So," Chris asks the devil, "Why don't you go get me some discs and I'll have the game of my after-life."

"I'm sorry, sir, we don't have any."

"What?" says Chris "No discs for a fine course like this?"

"No, sir," says the devil fiendishly, "that's the hell part of it."

HISTORY LESSON

 

In the 16th century, most everything was transported by ship and it was also before the invention of commercial fertilizer, so large shipments of manure were common.

It was shipped dry, because it weighed less but once water hit it, fermentation began which produced methane gas as a by-product.
The manure was stored in bundles below deck and once wet with sea water, methane began to build up.

The first time someone came below at night with a lantern.... BOOOOM!

Several ships were destroyed in this manner before it was determined just what had happened. Afterwards, the bundles of manure were stamped with the term "Ship High In Transit" which directed the crew to stow it in the upper decks so that any water that came into the hold would not reach this volatile cargo and produce the explosive gas.

Thus evolved the term "S.H.I.T " (Ship High In Transit) which has come down through the centuries and is still in use today.

You probably did not know the true history of this word.

Neither did I. I always thought it was a Disc Golf term.

Four married guys go Disc golfing. While playing the 4th hole, the following conversation took place:

1st Guy: "You have no idea what I had to do to be able to come out Disc golfing this weekend. I had to promise my wife that I will paint every room in the house next weekend."

2nd Guy: "That's nothing, I had to promise my wife I will build a new deck for the pool."

3rd Guy: "Man, you both have it easy! I had to promise my wife I will remodel the kitchen for her.

They continued to play the hole when they realized that the 4th guy hadn't said anything. So they asked him, "You haven't said anything about what you had to do to be able to come golfing this weekend. What's the deal?"

4th guy: "I just set my alarm for 5:00 a.m. and when it went off, I shut off the alarm, gave the wife a nudge and said, “Disc Golf course or intercourse?”
And she said, "It’s a little chilly out there so wear your sweater".

My wife Pattie and I were playing on the seventh hole out in the River City Debary Disc Golf Course when I collapsed experiencing severe Chest Pain..

"Please dear, I need help." I said.
Pattie ran off saying, "I'll go get some help."

A little while later she returned, picked up her putter and began to line up her shot.                                             Laying on the ground, I raised up my head and yelled, "I may be dying and you're putting?"


"Don't worry dear. I found a doctor on the first hole who said he'd come and help you."
"The first hole? When is he coming?"
"Hey! I told you not to worry." Pattie stated, stroking her putt in the basket.


"Everyone has already agreed to let him play through."

So after signing in to DiscGolf R us I notice that Suggs thread is once again getting many replies.Now, I.m just as guilty as the next member here for adding my 2 cents,but for the love of all discs thrown it's really gotten OLD!!.

To my surprise,the joke is on all of us since he posted on April 1,"Fool's Day"He gets the best laugh on all us.

Jim Coonradt from Colorado Springs went Disc Golfing with a couple of girls.

Jim threw first from the men's tee and walked with the ladies to their tee box.
The first lady took a mighty throw with her disc while passing a fart rather loudly in the process.

No one commented.

The second lady throws her disc passing just a little queef and her disc flys just a couple of feet.

She asks, "I wonder why it didn't go any further?"

Jim could help himself and exclaims, "I don't think you gave it enough gas!"

Impossible....Jim doesn't know any girls...HA!

Michael Barrieau aka “Hippy” goes to see a fortune teller to enquire if there are any Disc Golf courses in heaven.  

"I have good news and bad news" she tells the golfer. "Whats the good news?" asks Hippy.

"The good news sir is that the courses in heaven are spectacular, without doubt better than anything you have ever seen on earth."

"What’s the bad news then?" he asks

 

 

"You have a tee time at 8:30 tomorrow morning."

how is that bad news ? he only has to wait one more day to DG in paradise .

Dave throws his drive and looks really good until it starts it hyzer break to the basket and hits a tree.

 

Brad throws an almost identical shot but manages to miss the tree and park the hole. Then Brad say to Dave "Your shot looked pretty good so I threw your line."

 

Dave then asks Brad "Did you hit that tree?"

 

Brad replies "No"

 

Dave then states the obvious, "Then you didn't throw my line!"

As previously stated in this discussion, Robert aka I3oo was getting married.  And he had upset his soon to be wife because he and his buddies had their disc golf equipment at the wedding.  To make a long story short, I3oo finally tied the knot and became a married man.  He drops his wife off at the Bed and Breakfast in Saint Augustine, Florida.  Told her to get ready for the night of her life, and he went Disc Golfing with his buddies.  

While out on the course  I3oo takes a high speed disc right in the crotch.
Writhing in agony, he falls to the ground.
As soon as he could manage, he took himself to the doctor.
He said "How bad is it doc?. I'm on my honeymoon and my wife is still a virgin in every way."

The doctor told him, "I'll have to put your penis in a splint to let it heal and keep it straight. It should be okay."
So the doctor took four tongue depressors and formed a neat little 4 sided bandage, and wired it all together; an impressive work of art. I3oo mentions none of this to his wife in fear of ruining their honeymoon.

I3oo took his wife out to have an elegant dinner and then takes a lovely horse drawn carriage ride through the romantic town at night, the two love birds then proceed to their room. With great anticipation, the virgin wife rips open her blouse to reveal a gorgeous set of breasts. This was the first time he saw them.

She said, "You're the first; no one has ever touched these breasts."

I3oo immediately drops his pants with a smile and replies........
"Look at this, it's still in the CRATE!"

 

 

 

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