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Ladies and Gentlemen,

There has been so many serious discussions lately, that I am creating this one to relieve some tension. I love jokes, funny stories, and quotes. So use this post as a means of telling something funny and hopefully put a smile on other people's faces. I'll start things off..........

You know when you've reached the Masters when you body goes out more then you do.

or

What's my handicap?
* Driving and putting

or

"Yelling at your disc will not help you. Unless you do it when your opponent is putting."

or

"Golf and sex are about the only things I can enjoy without being good at."

or

"If you think it's hard to meet new people, try picking up the wrong disc"

or

“If I had driven the green and cleared the trees, it would’ve been a great shot.”

or

"I average three under. One under a tree; one under a bush; one under the water."


Now it's your turn. Put something funny, and we'll all be able to laugh.

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One of our local "Legend" discgolfers was playing a solo round last week. He was lining up an approach shot along a stretch of swampy water hazard and heard a faint "Pssst". He looked around didn't see anything and got back into is stance. Then once again he heard "Psst down here". He looked down and there was a small green frog. The frog said "I'm actually a beautiful young womantransformed into a frog. If you kiss me I will change back and show my appreciation by fufilling your every fantasy." The old man bent down picked up the frog and put it in his pocket. The frog said "Hey aren't you going to kiss me and change me back?" The old man replied "Eh, at my age I'd rather have a talking frog".
This is how tough the people who play Disc Golf at River City Nature Park in Debary Florida are.

J. Ruane came home after T.D.ing the Monday Disc Golf at the River City Nature Park in Debary Florida.
He lays his equipment down next to his favorite chair and collapses.

His wife questions “Honey are you O.K.? You look more tired then usual?”

Jamie asks “Do you remember LaBaube?”

“Yes I do.”

Jamie continues “he came to our field and played a round of Disc Golf with us. Well, he had a heart attack
and died on the 9th hole…”

“Good lord, James as a good man. I am sorry to hear the bad news….. But why are you so exhausted?”

Jamie smiles and responds “Do you know how tiring it is to throw a disc, drag a body, throw a disc, drag
a body, for the reminder nine holes can be ?!!”
I went to the doctors the other day for my yearly physical. The doctor asked me if I smoked after sex. I told him I never looked.
Guydro was playing at Debary when he has a heart attack and dies. Upon his arrival in heaven, St Peter meets him at the gate. "We usually don't get Disc Golfers here you know, they swear too much."

"I've only ever used fowl language once, Sir," Guydro replies.

"Tell me about it," St. Peter says.

"I was playing the third basket at Debary…… Well, I threw my tee shot badly. It hooked deep into the woods."

"And that's when you swore?" St. Peter asks.

"No, the disc hit a tree and bounced out towards the middle of some palmettos."

"And that's when you swore?" St. Peter asks again.

"No, then I threw a great thumb shot, but it caught a prawn and fell twenty yards short of the basket."

"And then you swore?" St. Peter asks impatiently.

"No, I tossed it and it flew five feet from the basket."

To this St. Peter exclaims,
"Don't tell me you missed the *&$%@#@#* five foot putt."
I always knew LeBaube was dead weight...


Worst of it though....was keeping the Turkey Buzzards away whilst trying to putt....I mean come on!! ....I had to beat them off with my retriever and when that broke....I had to throw James' discs at them....but I did manage to get his carcass back to the parking area with most of his flesh somewhat intact. ...it was the least I could do.

BTW.....Could someone call his wife and tell her where to find the body.

O.K. True Story...........

 

A couple of weeks ago someone asked me "Vic, how long are you gonna play Disc Golf?"

After some serious thought, my reply was

"I'll keep playing Disc golf until DISCRAFT pays me enough money to stop using their Discs...."

being in FL, that was best yet
ever notice golf and taxes are a lot alike , in that you drive hard for the green , only to winded up in the hole .

A father and son decided to play together for the first time.

Dad was an avid disc golfer and son is new to the game.

On the way to the course, the son asks "By the way, what's your handicap?"

Dad replies,"I don't have one....it's more like a permanent disability."

 

 

Bryan aka “Bfunky” was stranded on a desert island for 10 years. One day a beautiful girl swims to shore in a wet suit...

Bryan, "Hi! Am I ever happy to see you!"

Girl, "Hi! It seems like you've been here a long time. How long has it been since you've had a smoke?"

Bryan, "It's been ten years!"

With this information the girl unzips a slot on the arm of her wet suit and gives him smoke.


Girl, "So tell me how long it’s been since you had a drink?"

Bryan, "It's been ten years"

The girl unzips a longer zipper on her wet suit and comes out with a flask of whiskey and gives him a drink.

Bryan, "Oh, thank you so much for everything. You are like a miracle!"

Finally the girl starts to unzip the front of her wet suit and asks him leadingly, "So tell me then, how long has it been since you played around??"

Bryan looks at her and says excitedly, "Oh my God, don't tell me you've got a set of Discs and a basket in there too?!"

 

 

 

This lady got a new job at the Tickle Me Elmo plant.
She started her first day, the manager explained what her task would be, walked her to her station and wished her a nice day.
After a couple hours the foreman came to the managers office and explained that the new employee is backing up production. So they walked down to see what she was doing.

What they saw was the lady with a bag of small marbles and a roll of felt about 2 inches wide.
She would cut off a piece of felt, place 2 small marbles inside and sew them in between the legs of the doll.

Once the manager stopped laughing he walked over to her and said,

"Ma'am, I think I should explain better what it is we want you to do....
We want you to give the doll, two. test. tickles". :)

Why did the monkey fall out of the tree?

 

Because he was dead!

 

What's brown and sticky?

 

A stick.

 

How do you get a nun pregnant?

 

You dress her up like an altar boy!

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