HUMOR.............

Ladies and Gentlemen,

There has been so many serious discussions lately, that I am creating this one to relieve some tension. I love jokes, funny stories, and quotes. So use this post as a means of telling something funny and hopefully put a smile on other people's faces. I'll start things off..........

You know when you've reached the Masters when you body goes out more then you do.

or

What's my handicap?
* Driving and putting

or

"Yelling at your disc will not help you. Unless you do it when your opponent is putting."

or

"Golf and sex are about the only things I can enjoy without being good at."

or

"If you think it's hard to meet new people, try picking up the wrong disc"

or

“If I had driven the green and cleared the trees, it would’ve been a great shot.”

or

"I average three under. One under a tree; one under a bush; one under the water."


Now it's your turn. Put something funny, and we'll all be able to laugh.

[Brian Roberts]

In all honesty I have met one Norbert, and I have met zero Kory's. SO that kind of blows that out of the water.

 

This thread is 16 pages. All harmless jokes, with names of fellow disc golfers in them.

 

I fail to see how someone can be so easily offended.

 

I am offended at how quickly the word 'offended' is thrown out.

It's a good word. It strong sounding. It has two 'f's. It has three syllables. It's a fantastic word.

Don't wear it out.

 

[Daddy_Dragon]

HOW TO IMPRESS A WOMAN:

Compliment her,
cuddle her,
kiss her,
caress her,
love her,
stroke her,
tease her,
comfort her,
protect her,
hug her,
hold her,
spend money on her,
wine and dine her,
buy things for her,
listen to her,
care for her,
stand by her,
support her,
go to the ends of the earth for her...

 

HOW TO IMPRESS A MAN:

Show up naked.
With a disc in one hand and a beer in the other.

[Daddy_Dragon]

Two disc golfers were standing over looking the St John's river at Debary while playing hole one.

Brock looks to Henry and says, "Look at those idiots fishin' in the rain."

[Daddy_Dragon]

Here is something really funny.

I am on vacation and I'm gonna compete in the Sarasota Amateur Championships.

[Daddy_Dragon]

Why do Disc Golfers always carry an extra pair of trousers with them ?
Just in case they get a hole in one.

[david k. reisner]

 

 

 

Italian guy golf    A Catholic priest, a doctor, a rich businessman and an Italian Guy from  New York   were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers in front of them.   They were all complaining about them and how they had to wait 15 minutes in between shots.   The Catholic priest looked over and said, 'Here comes the greens keeper. Let's have a word with him. Excuse me, sir!' said the priest, 'What's wrong with that group ahead of us? They're rather slow, aren't they?' The greens keeper replied, 'Oh, yes. That's a group of blind fire fighters. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free anytime.' The group fell silent for a moment. The Catholic priest said, 'That's so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight.' The doctor said, 'Good idea. I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist colleague and see if there's anything that he might be able to do for them.' The rich businessman replied, 'I think I'll donate $50,000 to the fire fighters union in honor of these brave souls!' The Italian guy from  New York   said, 'Why the fuck can't they play at night?'

[Daddy_Dragon]

It's been several months since I last posted a joke on this discussion.

So hopefully without offending anyone, here is another.  I was saving the best joke for last.

My Home Course of Debary is ran by Jamie Ruane.  He has been running it ever since I joined the group.

My home course is ran by an iron hand.  Jamie is really tough on us.  How tough is he??  Well I had found a memorandum that he planned on passing to our group.  Here is a copy of his memo to the Disc Golfers who play at Debary.

 

MEMORANDUM

TO: All Debary Disc Golfers
FROM: Jamie Ruane
SUBJECT: SPECIAL HIGH INTENSITY TRAINING

In order to assure that we continue to produce the highest quality of recreation possible, it will be our policy to keep all Disc Golfers well-trained through our Special High Intensity Training (S.H.I.T.). We are giving our Club Members more S.H.I.T. than any other course in town.

If you feel you do not receive your fair share of S.H.I.T. on the course, please see the course “A” players.  You will then be placed at the top of the S.H.I.T. list for special attention.

All of our “A” players are particularly qualified to see that you get all the S.H.I.T. you can handle at your own speed.

If you think that you have a thorough understanding of the basic S.H.I.T. program, you may wish to participate in Management Of Related Education for Special High Intensity Training (M.O.R.E. S.H.I.T.). Our club loves giving M.O.R.E. S.H.I.T. then any other club.

If you consider yourself to be trained enough already, you may be interested in helping us train others. We can add you to our Basic Understanding Lecture List Special High Intensity Training (B.U.L.L. S.H.I.T.).  Once on the list you will be considered an “A” player.

Some of you display aptitudes in which you are not good enough to be an “A” player so that would easily allow you to enter the Director of Intensity Program (D.I.P. S.H.I.T.). This position will only qualify you as a “B” Player.  Those who do not qualify for this position but are still interested will certainly be referred to the Director Under Management Bureau (D.U.M.B. S.H.I.T.). And those individuals who do not meet the requirements of our Bureau and can not understand the basics as Disc Golf must first complete the Special Training Under Personal Individual Discretion, Special High Intensity Training (S.T.U.P.I.D. S.H.I.T.).

If you have any further questions, please address them to our Head Of Training, Special High Intensity Training (H.O.T. S.H.I.T.).

Thank You,
Jamie Ruane
Boss in General
SPECIAL HIGH INTENSITY TRAINING
(B.I.G.S.H.I.T)

[Jeff Nichols]

LOL!!

[mr ed]

      ;>}

[LEE CASTRO]

A course pro told me your to good to tee from those short pads,i replied aparently not this ismy second shot!!

[Daddy_Dragon]

I've been there.  Done that.

[david k. reisner]

i was wondering why this disc looked like it was getting bigger ...then it hit me !