HUMOR.............

Ladies and Gentlemen,

There has been so many serious discussions lately, that I am creating this one to relieve some tension. I love jokes, funny stories, and quotes. So use this post as a means of telling something funny and hopefully put a smile on other people's faces. I'll start things off..........

You know when you've reached the Masters when you body goes out more then you do.

or

What's my handicap?
* Driving and putting

or

"Yelling at your disc will not help you. Unless you do it when your opponent is putting."

or

"Golf and sex are about the only things I can enjoy without being good at."

or

"If you think it's hard to meet new people, try picking up the wrong disc"

or

“If I had driven the green and cleared the trees, it would’ve been a great shot.”

or

"I average three under. One under a tree; one under a bush; one under the water."


Now it's your turn. Put something funny, and we'll all be able to laugh.

[mr ed]

Smiles..:>)

[Jay Dub]

This lady got a new job at the Tickle Me Elmo plant.
She started her first day, the manager explained what her task would be, walked her to her station and wished her a nice day.
After a couple hours the foreman came to the managers office and explained that the new employee is backing up production. So they walked down to see what she was doing.

What they saw was the lady with a bag of small marbles and a roll of felt about 2 inches wide.
She would cut off a piece of felt, place 2 small marbles inside and sew them in between the legs of the doll.

Once the manager stopped laughing he walked over to her and said,

"Ma'am, I think I should explain better what it is we want you to do....
We want you to give the doll, two. test. tickles". :)

[xians421]

Why did the monkey fall out of the tree?

 

Because he was dead!

 

What's brown and sticky?

 

A stick.

 

How do you get a nun pregnant?

 

You dress her up like an altar boy!

[Daddy_Dragon]

What do you call a boomerang that does not come back?

 

A Stick

[Daddy_Dragon]

The room was full of pregnant women and their partners, and the Lamaze class was in full swing.

The instructor was teaching the women how to breathe properly, along with informing the men how to give the necessary assurances at this stage of the plan.

The teacher then announced, "Ladies, exercise is good for you. Walking is especially beneficial. And, gentlemen, it wouldn't hurt you to take the time to go walking with your partner!"

The room really got quiet.

Finally, a man in the middle of the group raised his hand.

"Yes?" replied the teacher.

The man asks "Is it all right if she carries my Disc Golf Equipment while we walk?"

[Mark Janssen]

money

[Hill Billy Matt]

The funny thing is my wife loves to carrie my bag.It's the only way she will go with me, to tell you the truth!!!

[Daddy_Dragon]

Top twenty things in Disc Golf that SOUNDS DIRTY.........

20.   Hold up, I have to use the Women's Pad.

19.   Lift your Head and spread your legs.

18.   Just get back in and shoot from there.

17.   My wife can toss better then that.

16.   I want to put it in so bad I can taste it.

15.   I almost had it in when it bounced off the edge.

14.   You really wacked that piece of wood.

13.   Damn, I dinged my putter.

12.   Sh*t, I'm in the bush again. 

11.   I can't believe I released it early.

10.   Look how he grips his putter.

09.   After 18 holes, I can barely walk.

08.   I started out strong but wimped out towards the end.

07.   I was tossing well until my hand slipped off my disc.

06.   That was a nice stroke.

05.    My Hands are so sweatty that I can't get a good grip.

04.    How can I concentrate getting it in if you keep talking.

03.    She was wide open.

02.    I really want to lay it up close.

 

And the Number One thing in Disc Golf that SOUNDS DIRTY...........

 

01.  If you can't get it up, you can't get it in !!!!!!!!!!!

 

 

 

[Jamie 'gr8rocshot' Ruane]

Good Stuff Victor !!!

[Herb E]

00. I let my girlfriend play a-round with my NutSac. Now she wants a NutSac of her own.

http://nutsacbags.com/

 

[xians421]

Jesus and Moses are playing Disc Golf. They're on hole 10 long (426' lots of trees) at Morley field. Moses steps up to the pad and throws one out onto the fairway of hole 5, not a bad shot for an old man, says Jesus. Jesus yanks his way right when a South African Baobab tree springs out of the ground and knocks his disc toward the fairway. Before it can land, an extinct flightless Dodo bird grabs it in his talons and flies toward the basket, dropping ten feet away. As it hits the ground, a naked mole rat pops out of a gopher hole and launches the disc into the basket for an ace.

Moses looks at Jesus and says " Are you gonna fuck around or are you gonna play golf?"

[harold king]

nice