"In The News" "On The Web" ...The Strange....The Unusual...... Hmmmm!!!

A thread to post links to those News Worthy stories....that make you go Hmmmmmmm!?!?!? A place to share internet humor

[Jamie 'gr8rocshot' Ruane]

California vs Texas


Governors of two states jogging with their dogs along a trail. Coyote jumps out and starts to attack dog:


California:
#1. Governor starts to intervene and then realizes he should stop; the coyote is doing what is natural.
#2. Call animal control. Animal control captures coyote and spends $200 testing it for diseases and $500 relocating it.
#3. Call Vet. Veterinarian collects dead dog and spends $200 testing it for diseases.
#4. Governor goes to hospital and spends $3500 getting checked for diseases from the coyote and getting bite wound bandaged.
#5. Running trail gets shut down for 6 months while wildlife services conduct a $100,000 survey to make sure the area is clear of dangerous animals.
#6. Governor spends $50,000 and starts a coyote awareness program for people who live in the area.
#7. State legislature spends $2 million investigating how to better handle rabies and how to possibly eradicate it.
#8. Governor’s security agent fired for not stopping the attack and letting the Governor try to intervene.
#9. Cost $75,000 to train new security agent.
#10. PETA protests the relocation of the coyote.

Texas:
#1. Governor spends $1.23 on a .380 ACP Gold Dot Hollow Point and he and the dog keep jogging.

And we wonder why California is BROKE…

[Discette]

I think Ahhnold would have simply gone Terminator on the coyote and regenerated any body parts injured in the incident.

[Jamie 'gr8rocshot' Ruane]

Curtis & Leroy saw an ad in the Starkville Daily News Newspaper in Starkville, MS. and bought a mule for $100.

The farmer agreed to deliver the mule the next day.

The next morning the farmer drove up and said, "Sorry, fellows, I have some bad news, the mule died last night."

Curtis &Leroy replied, "Well, then just give us our money back."


The farmer said, "Can't do that. I went and spent it already."


They said, "OK then, just bring us the dead mule."


The farmer asked, "What in the world ya'll gonna do with a dead mule?"


Curtis said, "We gonna raffle him off."


The farmer said, "You can't raffle off a dead mule!"


Leroy said, "We shore can! Heck, we don't hafta tell nobody he's dead!"


A couple of weeks later, the farmer ran into Curtis &Leroy at the Piggly Wiggly grocery store and asked.


"What'd you fellers ever do with that dead mule?"


They said,"We raffled him off like we said we wuz gonna do.."



Leroy said,"Shucks, we sold 500 tickets fer two dollars apiece and made a profit of $898."


The farmer said,"My Lord, didn't anyone complain?"

Curtis said, "Well, the feller who won got upset. So we gave him his two dollars back.

"Curtis and Leroy now work for the government.



They're overseeing the Bailout Program.




Limit all US politicians to two terms.

One in office
One in prison




Illinois already does this.

[J.D.Guy]

lmao, hillarious.

[Jamie 'gr8rocshot' Ruane]

If you yelled for 8 years, 7 months and 6 days you would have produced enough sound energy to heat one cup of coffee.
(Hardly seems worth it.)

If you farted consistently for 6 years and 9 months, enough gas is produced to create the energy of an atomic bomb.
(Now that's more like it !)

The human heart creates enough pressure when it pumps out to the body to squirt blood 30 feet.
(O.M.G.!)



A pig's orgasm lasts 30 minutes...
(In my next life, I want to be a pig...)


A cockroach will live nine days without its head before it starves to death. (Creepy.)
(I'm still not over the pig.)


Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories an hour
(Don't try this at home, maybe at work)


The male praying mantis cannot copulate while its head is attached to its body. The female initiates sex by ripping the male's head off.
(Honey, I'm home. What the...?!)


The flea can jump 350 times its body length. It's like a human jumping the length of a football field.
(30 minutes.. Lucky pig! Can you imagine?)

The catfish has over 27,000 taste buds.
(What could be so tasty on the bottom of a pond?)


Some lions mate over 50 times a day.
(I still want to be a pig in my next life...quality over quantity)

Butterflies taste with their feet.
(Something I always wanted to know.)


The strongest muscle in the body is the tongue.(Hmmmmmm......)



Right-handed people live, on average, nine years longer than left-handed people.
(If you're ambidextrous, do you split the difference?)


Elephants are the only animals that cannot jump.
(Okay, so that would be a good thing)



A cat's urine glows under a black light.
(I wonder who was paid to figure that out?)


An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.
( I know some people like that.)

Starfish have no brains
(I know some people like that too.)

Polar bears are left-handed.

(If they switch, they'll live a lot longer)

Humans and dolphins are the only species that have sex for pleasure.
(What about that pig??)

[Jamie 'gr8rocshot' Ruane]

Go Speed Racer!!

[Ryan S. Flahive]

ah, my fellow New Mexicans--such a bright bunch we are!

[Sam Smith]

Hilarious, I can't say I'm surprised. We've got several individuals here in Portales, NM that use a motorized cart as their sole means of transportation. Of course we don't have any major highways running through the middle of our rinky-dink town.

[Jamie 'gr8rocshot' Ruane]

One sunny day in January 2013 an old man wearing what was once very nice
clothing but now worn and ragged approached the White House from across
Pennsylvania Avenue, where he'd been sitting on a park bench. He spoke to
the U.S. Marine standing guard and said, "I would like to go in and meet
with President Obama."

The Marine looked at the man and said, "Sir, Mr. Obama is no longer
president and no longer resides here."
The old man said, "Okay", and walked away. *
*The following day, the same man approached the White House and said to the
same Marine, "I would like to go in and meet with President Obama." *

*The Marine again told the man, "Sir, as I said yesterday, Mr. Obama is no
longer president and no longer resides here." *

*The man thanked him and, again, just walked away. *

*The third day, the same man approached the White House and spoke to the
very same U.S. Marine, saying "I would like to go in and meet with President
Obama." *

*The Marine, understandably agitated at this point, looked at the man and
said, "Sir, this is the third day in a row you have been here asking to
speak to Mr. Obama. I've told you already that Mr. Obama is no longer the
president and no longer resides here. Don't you understand?" *

*The old man looked at the Marine and said, "Oh, I understand. I just love
hearing it." *

*The Marine snapped to attention, saluted, and said, "See you tomorrow"*

[Jamie 'gr8rocshot' Ruane]

Wow!! Now this is a Sinkhole!!!

[AK Discer]

Holy cow, that is crazy...I can't imagine what that would be like to be standing there when that happened. I bet that would feel better than a roller coaster.

[Jamie 'gr8rocshot' Ruane]

Our FOX affiliate just reported that this hole is 60 feet in diameter and 300 feet deep..and confirmed that it did swallow a 3 story building among other things.