The thrill of victory and the agony of defeat

Byrdman recently posted a blog on this website labelled " A New Found Love of the Game". That blog induced my response below. Here at discgolfersR.us, for whatever reason, Forum discussions are more active than Blogs. Perhaps this topic is worthy of thought and comments. Byrdman's comments are worth reading. Maybe he will join us here, too.

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The thrill of competition is so intoxicating when we play well. Yet the disappointment of playing poorly is so intense when we play poorly.

There are some players, with far greater emotional control (and wisdom) than I possess, who can enjoy playing the game even when they play poorly. I am so impressed and envious of players who have that ability. I know I don't have it yet and perhaps never will.

I do NOT view a tournament round as a challenge pitting me versus the other players in my division. I also do NOT view a tournament as a challenge pitting me versus the course. The challenge is me versus myself. I have an expectation of how well I can and should perform. If I play well (based on my expectations) then I am happy and satisfied, even giddy-win, lose or draw. If I play poorly (based on my expectations) then I am disappointed or maybe even disgusted with myself-win, lose or draw.

Some people are good at hiding their emotions. I am not. When I play poorly, even in practice, I am not a happy boy. In that situation, as a matter of fairness and courtesy to others in my presence who are also striving to perform, it is my responsibility to try not to cause harm to them. The whole yelling, bag kicking, delaying the progress of the round with my emotional response is wrong and I try so hard to avoid it. Mostly I just retreat into a shell, say little or nothing and fight to overcome my own funk. There must be some way to break out of that shell. Any advice?

Is it a guarrantee that when we get mad our luck goes bad? Is it true that the madder we get the worse our luck turns out? Does every close putt bounce out when we are really pissed off?

I don't think a player has an obligation (ethically or otherwise) to be happy and jovial and fun to be around while playing. I think players have the right to be unhappy with themselves but not to overtly/purposely interfere with the others in their playing group. This is different for golf than other facets of life and other games. Some games ethically allow us to mess with our opposition ( Hey, batter, batter, batter swing! The pitcher has a rubber arm! Heckling is just part of some games and competitors have to learn to overcome it. Heckling is not accepted behavior in golf. The high standard of courtesy and ethics in golf is one of its true beauties that separates it from other endeavors.)

I had a great coach when I played racquetball tournaments (my sport prior to frisbee) and he had a very wise rule that I have adopted as my own. You have the right to be unhappy with yourself. Try not to be a jerk about it. You can be unhappy following a round, based on personal disappointment, for 20 minutes. After 20 minutes drop it and return to the human race. No more pouting, sulking, griping or beating yourself up after 20 minutes. Get ready for the next round.

The ability to compete absolutely requires the ability to overcome disappointment. Or one bad round will cripple you forever.

I played a doubles tournament with a friend as my partner. He is a good player and and a good guy and I have a lot of respect for him as a player and a person. He is especially good at the skill of putting. Putting is historically my biggest weakness. My goal going into the event was not to cause us to lose based on my putting. Or put another way, I hoped to putt well. ((I expect to drive well. I usually drive well. I did drive well. But driving doesn't matter much because driving does not equate to scoring well.)) As it turned out, I putted well (for me) and we did not even cash. I did not care that we didn't win. I didn't care that we didn't cash. I was a happy boy. I would be happy to play with this partner again. We didn't beat the other teams in our division. We didn't beat the course. But when I met my personal expectations and performed well under presssure, I was a happy boy. If I had sucked then I would have sulked and apologized to my partner for sucking and gotten over it 20 minutes after the round ended. Then I would have had a very cold beer.

That is another great thing about the game of golf. Even if you suck no one punishes you. Even if you suck you can still have a beer when you are done. I think the act of competing makes a person a better, stronger person: physically and emotionally.

[Swan]

Nice thread Mark! I like it, the 20 minute rule. Its a funny thing that I can remember the times I acted poorly far better that the crumby way I played that day / round. Any time I get bent out of shape I try to keep that in mind and it usually helps believe it or not. Unfortunatley one of those rounds I played with Terry, who has perhaps one of the best attitudes in the game. Sorry Mr. Calhoun!

The mental part of the game is the most important and hardest to master, speaking for myself at least. After all disc golf, like golf, is a game played in a 6" space between the ears.

[eric beich]

robbax said:

Man, this is interesting stuff. I noticed this last season - I would feel negative about a round, but then realize "I just shot my average!" This post (which I'm printing to read again away from the computer) is really positive direction playing. Thanks all.

I just did this the other day. I started out bad on the first few holes that I expect myself to shoot better on and decided to stop keeping score for the first time in a long time.
I met up with a newer player and finished the round with him and by the time I got to 18 I looked back and realized I just had a killer score !!

It's all mental !!!

[Bruce Brakel]

The psychologist in me would like to add that no one is harder on a champion when he sucks than he is on himself. The reason why a player like Cam Todd could go from DFL in Open one year to 1000 rated the next was because he was extremely hard on himself. The reason why I've been playing for 35 years and I still suck is because I've really always thought of it as just a pasttime. I get frustrated sometimes when I don't play as well as I think I should be able to, but I don't get pissed like Mark.

As to how to overcome your own funk, cognitive dissonance is a good strategy. Consider the things that you don't do when you are indulging in a funk, and then go do those things. Probably when Mark is in a funk between rounds he doesn't go seek out his friends in other divisions and smile and ask them how they did that morning. When you do things that you normally do when you feel a certain way, it helps you to change your feelings to feel that way. But, understand that cutting off your funk might be cutting off an important behavioral modifier that makes you a better player. You just have to choose sometimes between being a better player versus being a better human being.

So, I don't know how much i agree with the 20 minute rule. At PDGA Worlds last summer I was really hard on myself for a long time after the third round. I think I took three hours getting over it. The next day i shot my best round of the tournament. But golf is tricky. During a round you need to put a lot of your self-punishment on hold so you don't have an emotional breakdown. So for any given throw you need like a 20 second rule. Throwing your upshot in the river wasn't the best strategy, but now you need to settle down and make the long putt from the mud. If you need more than 20 minutes at the end of the round, maybe you just gotta go with that.

[Eirik]

Darn good thoughts in this thread. I will readily be a jack@$$ around my fellow competitors instead of holding back and letting it affect my game. I will give the 20 sec of grief and the 3-4 hours of hell to my traveling partner afterwards... great advice. Just kiddin Bruce, great post!
Eirik

[Bobby Sheffer]

Having expectations about how you should play can be dangerous. Expectations create pressure, comfort zones, and demands on yourself. When you create comfort zones, YOUR ONLY HAPPY WHEN YOUR IN THE COMFORT ZONE. Lets say your expectation is to get par. Your only comfortable when your shooting par. If you are doing worse, say two over, you are out of your comfort zone and start thinking "Im not playing well" you start putting pressure on yourself to get back to par. When your doing better than you expected your also outside of your comfort zone and can start playing defensively which can mess up your game plan. Instead of expectations try using process goals. A process goal coud be something like picking a good target for the hole your on, or putting thought into the angle your run up is going to be on the tee pad. These dont produce pressure because you focus on the execution, not the outcome.

[Chainz-4-Brainz]

About a year and a half ago, a few buddies and I decided to play a round, with a dollar at stake for each hole. That's the closest I ever came to a tourney. I'm a casual player for one reason: I lack both the skill and the luck required to excel at this game. I play anyway, because even when I'm by myself, I still have my own expectations to contend with. I know how a round should be played, and if the expectations I've set aren't met, I've failed. Fortunately, I can take solace in the knowledge that with every throw, good or bad, I'm improving.

A toast to you, Byrdman. You nailed it.

[Trey McKelvey]

Wow...I'm so glad I stumbled upon your discussion. You guys have some awesome thoughts about mental strength and shot forgiveness. I've heard it so many times that short term memory is crucial in tournament play but you all described many techniques with fantastic clarity. I wish I would have seen this post last year when it was first posted (might have saved a few people from seeing the wrath of a bad round). Thanks again Mark, your thoughts are always helpful!

[edism]

One thing that has always irritated me is when motivational speakers and others stands up there and say "I did it so can you". Reality is NO in some situations. Genetics plays such a huge roll in things. According to these speakers the Roloffs could play in the NBA if they really wanted to. They can play basketball and have fun but they could not play at the NBA level. Doesn't Lance Armstrong have natural lung capacity and heart pumping?