The BIG 5-Oh

The new year will be upon us shortly, and I'll be turning 50 shortly thereafter. Here are a few observations to help the youngsters along the way.

• 50 is NOT the new 30; it's the same old 50 its always been. The hair is gray, whats left of it anyway. The knees are shot and all my son's buddies insist on calling me "Mister G".
• The math even proves my point. I went to the doctor a month back, his prognosis... I am as healthy as a horse! (My wife says he forgot 4 letters), but I weigh as much as one too. OK so I'm back on Atkins. My heart and lungs are as sound as a 30 year old, but my knees and hips belong to a 70 year old. Hence 30+70=100 divide that by 2 you get the big 50.
• I'm glad my wife has aged along with me, it gives me some one of the opposite sex to talk too. Otherwise I would have to talk to my daughter or her friends and "air head" as a spoken language is difficult once you get past 30.
• Here's a big secret for ya! While your kids cause the gray hair, it's the grandkids that cause the Alzheimers!
• The people who print phone books are conserving paper by printing smaller, those bastards!
• The family car is a van. Why? So the grandkids and in-laws can ride with us when we go on a vacation! In that case, strap me to the luggage rack facing backwards, at least I wont get bugs caught in my teeth.
• Did I mention that grandkids cause Alzheimers?
• I no longer get carded in bars, but I do get carded at IHOP.
• A birthday is just another day. I've been through enough of them that the thought of all those presents doesn't excite me any longer. Nor have I reached the age that I'm thankful I've lived another year, besides I still have the gift cards from Lowes and Home Depot left from last year.

Here is a interesting anecdote. Last Saturday I played 20 holes of disc golf with three other people, one just turned 30 and two were in their mid 20s (all 3 called me MR G). The 30 year old fell asleep in the van before we even got out of the park. The other 2 fell asleep on the sofa and floor when we returned home. Neither could handle the chili I made for dinner (my 2 year old granddaughter did and my daughter is still PO'd over it).

So turning the big 5-Oh isn't too bad, just as long as everyone knows you're still the Big Dog!

Happy New Year

G

[www.Motodom.com]

For the GrandMaster that refuses to quit DGing....

(Still have to attach the disc shototing mechanism..)