Hi, it's me Cinque. You know - the guy that sports black ankle socks and North Face shoes. The guy with longish black hair and an unkempt beard. The guy you despise and push negative energy on each time you arrive to my local course. Yeah, that guy.
Why do you treat me so horribly? What have I done to deserve your wicked wrath?
I'm a nice guy, I swear. I treat others with respect even when the dubious deserve something much less. I share my knowledge with new disc golfers when they ask. I pick up trash on the course. I practice putting before I play a round.
I eat Cheerios in the morning.
Why won't you let me play the game like I usually do when you're not around?
When you're not around I feel like I'm progressing, I feel good. You should see my accurate drives and dead-steady putts. You should see my smile.
How is it that I can post two negative rounds back to back one day and then throw four and seven over the next day when you're watching? You're giddy just thinking about it aren't you?
How can you hate someone so much when all they do is love you?
Just do me a favor.
Please stop batting down my drives with your wind and trees. Please stop pushing my discs away from your baskets when I'm only 10 feet away. Please stop forcing my discs out of bounds, and please, please, please stop steering my discs to the wrong side of the mandatories.
Yes, your drop zones are decorated beautifully with red flags and bright orange spray paint, but that doesn't mean I want to stand there and throw for par when you're around.
That's all I ask. Will you do that for me? I'll see you on April 24.
p.s. Did you know I hadn't hit that first tree directly to the left of tee five since the last time you were in town? That was 14 rounds ago. Real funny. I hope you enjoyed that.